Miraculous

When you look, 
you see reflections of your being. 


When you listen, 
you hear echoes of yourself. 


If you don't like something about what you see and hear, 
no point in smashing the mirror, 


change who you are becoming. 

Pre-exam

It's

Tiring.
Exhausting.

Abbreviated.
Bombard.
Catastrophes.
Dynamite.
Extravagant.
Feminine.
Gigantic.
Humiliation.
Isotonic.
Joyous.
Keen.
Lunatic
Mortgage.
Normalised.
Olympus.
Plantation.
Quick-a-holic.
Remnant.
Stress.
Temptation.
Universal.
Vida.
Wallop.
Xeric.
Yes! 
Zenith.

Tedious.
Nightmarish.

Gonna sleep like this from today onward. :) 

Time-table 

YES 4G

Switched to YES 4G
Amazing things happen when you say YES!

Cost RM99 per dongle

Pay As You Use! XD

5X faster!

憂鬱

再這樣下去

感覺就快要患上憂鬱症

心

真的會痛

痛得快要死掉了

不要逼我 

Something has been haunting me but I don't know what the thing really is. 

Trying to figure out but mission failed. 

Issue. 

love vs perfect

沒有人生來是完美無缺的，
如果你真的愛上一個完美無缺的人，
那麼在往後的相處日子裡你們還有什麼成長的空間呢？

No one is perfect in nature.
If you had really fallen in love with someone really perfect,
would you have any improvements for your relationship all along with your lives growing?

kaizen's theory = there is always room for improvement! 

Hold hands

Seeing you getting involved in a relationship. 

But the guy isn't me. 

How graceful could I be? 

Wishing you both hang in well and all is well. 

Hold his hand tightly. Don't ever release. 

Hold her hand closely. Don't ever make it loose. 

Au Revoir, My Love

But there will be a "B.R.B." on the graveyard of my love instead of "R.I.P." 

Because I do need love XD 

Never mind then. You left. Just when I needed the most 

She's attached and He's gonna be alone 

Solitaire plays out loud 

Solitaire is the only game in town 

Life's brief candle

Your life is not quantified by the number of the signature clothes that you wear. 
For it can only be measured by the number of faces that smile every time they hear your name. 


When life seems difficult, P.U.S.H. 
(Pray Until Something Happens) 


Life is a balance of HOLDING ON and LETTING GO. 
Hold On to the good and Let Go of the bad. 


Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain. 
Learn from yesterday, Live for today, Hope for tomorrow. 


Sometimes life has to get more complicated before it can get simpler. 


Home is the place you grow up wanting to leave
and grow old wanting to get back to. 


If mistakes were qualifications, we would be geniuses by now. 


Faith makes all things possible, Hope makes all things work, Love makes all things beautiful. 


Sometimes there's No next time. No time outs. No second chances. 
Sometimes it's just now or never. 


You'll never know which one is the right path, if you never had the wrong ones. 


The challenges aren't there to stop you. They're there to help you grow. 


The best fashion accessory you can wear is a smile, so wear it with pride. 


Let's H.O.P.E. (Have Only Positive Expectations) 

Dry despite the rain

Be ready to grab your umbrella in case the downpour hits

When it's over, it leaves everyone breathless to see that rainbow at the end of the storm 

陪

我並不是特別需要人陪，

再怎麽累也都裝無所謂。

我只需要你的關懷安慰，

就當作撫平内心的慰藉。

Busy

Intra-campus Business Management Competition briefing

YTLC orientation 

Rejected and needed-to-redo individual assignment's journal review 

Never-ending homework on tutorials 

Shopping for formal suits at Times Square this Sunday 

"I'm kinda busy. I'm kinda busy." 

"Stop calling stop calling I don't wanna hear anymore" 

p/s Sunday is my day! I'm gonna fully utilise it before I get another wave of stress next few weeks! :)

Hurt

Thinking of travelling around. With someone I fond of or who's willing to accompany me.
Totally not in the kind of mood that I myself can tolerate with.
These days I was hurt badly.
Mostly from family. coursework. homework. peers.
No I can't cry anymore no matter how. No more. My tears are dried out.
Now even Westlife's songs have lost the magic.
I can still feel the pain inside. No matter how frequent I repeated listening to Westlife.
Lying so silently.
But I feel it hurts so violently.

For somehow but I don't know how,
I thought I have the discretion to control my account of money.
But all came to a discoverable mess and it's like an illusionary slap to my face.
Not telling you doesn't mean making secret profit.
Come on! It's credited by aunt to my account and for all this while I didn't tell you too.
So I don't see any necessity to tell you about the money thing this time.
And that's the reason I answer you "Yes I still have money" "No need bank in for me yet"
when you ask me about my balance
You Thought I'm a Banker ar?
or I Go Rob the Bank and that's why I have So Much Inexhaustible Money to use?
My passion was welcomed by a wave of scolding.
Should I feel comfortable instead and tell all the people around "Yeah I got scolded!"?

I know you are earning hard bearing we three small kids.
But I'm grown, physically-fully and psychologically none.
I'd feel the emptiness too. Not only you. I bet sista will feel the same way as well.
Sometimes I really don't know what to do when I am so helpless.
I can't call you all. I don't wanna make any trouble.
You have had enough. So do I.
I'm tired of being the eldest. Being the black sheep.
No one sincerely/truthfully cares for me.
I'm leading solitary life. and I'm liking it as the ironic way.
God, can I ask for an exchange in my next life, if there is any, please?
That's my prayer to be heard.
Thanks.

Amen.

 洶湧的澎湃，海在怒吼

 幸福，下一站

 走吧，走吧，人總要自己慢慢長大

 傲視滄海，一聲笑，人在江湖

 悸動心痛

我是一只小小鳥，尋覓一個溫暖的懷抱

And I believe, 

Hug is one of the most important things that I can say without speaking. do without acting. 

And I need one right now. but who cares? 

Leave it blank there. I'm searching for the answer. 

p/s 

I've temporarily closed the account on FB and no one can actually see my posts except some photos. 

Text me a line or give me a call if you have any things needed to reach me. 

People with their minds that I'm being emo. "Whatever" is the only word I can tell you and it shows that you don't understand me thoroughly. 

The left part of my chest is left empty. Because my heart is being hospitalised now. 

I'll bring it to travel around but I'm unsure when will it be back. So stay tuned. 

Time will heal and I'll be fine. 

心呼吸

這一路 走著走著

走遠了

非得要在回頭時才發現

我遺落一地的遺憾

心

開始對附屬的肉體產生抗拒

累了

倦了

但是臉上的笑顔始終不能停

心空再沒有翅膀的痕跡

鳥兒已高飛走遠

那種心涼一陣子沁入心脾

又迴旋似的沖上腦門謀殺我的感官

一種會呼吸的痛

會上癮的痛

在還沒有沉溺于它之前

我要先提身抽離

是時候沉澱内心的污漬

拉近心與我的距離

答應自己

我要好好的活著

然後回來

“好久不見了，我可憐的心。”

Jacky Cheung 張學友

一首歌、一種心情、一次感動、一段故事 
這一次，來自樂壇歌神 張學友。
尤其在夜深人靜時刻，聼著張學友，輕撫難以釋懷的那些情感。

從《一千個傷心的理由》、《左右爲難》、《吻別》、《Amour》、《情書》、《祝福》、《慢慢》、《忘記你我做不到》、《黑白畫映》、《禮物》、《如果愛》、《我真的受傷了》、《咖啡》到最近迷上的《人人》。 


聼張學友的歌曲仿佛身同處境，是學友哥的唯美歌聲催人熱淚還是我的眼淚太廉價？
聽著自己與内心的抑鬱對話，每每都會尾隨張學友舒服的歌聲而去。 


每一首歌
詮釋著特定的某一種心情
超凡的音質讓内心深處莫名湧出每一次感動
恬靜委婉地細述著人人心中的某一段故事

人人

作曲: 陳輝陽 填詞: 林夕 編曲: 杜自持 監製: 杜自持/歐丁玉

夜幕 繁星不見

亦見繁盛 尚有霓虹照青天

高矚遠瞻

大家 光影中走過萬家店

憶苦都思甜 在城裏自有生天

擠逼的生涯奉獻一生好好發展

@人人此心不變 人人功夫再顯

繁華千洗百鍊 擁抱命運當挑戰

*人人細數當年 人人情繫眼前

但願 晴天一片

面對磨練 自覺圖強也必先

心聲震天

逆境 方顯得天變夢不變

許多的忽然 但同船未怕擱淺

顯出本色原是要追風風總帶險

Repeat @** 

後記：

你可能會好奇怎麽不是王力宏或者Westlife？其實並不然~ 值得大家學習的張學友可是王力宏出道初期的學習對象，所以你會發現王力宏早期的作品會有張學友的影子，包括唱腔的模仿。在音樂方面，張學友有著自己獨特的專業知識和水準，包括如何使用聲帶去演繹不同類型的歌曲，他的先天嗓音素質以及後天的演唱技巧被行業内外公認為最爲出色的華人歌手之一。所以從今天開始，我也愛張學友！*大笑*（怎麽感覺自己選的偶像年齡有逐漸老化的趨向？^^）

Westlife 2010

A Big Big news to all WESTLIFE fans out there!! 

Westlife is now unveiling stunning new artwork to their forthcoming album "Gravity" and the lead single "Safe"!! 

Here's the link to listen to the new single on youtube: 


 

Conversation

My mobile phone rang while I was having revision and preparing some materials for the next day's classes.
It was my mum calling from hometown and I picked up the call promptly.

"Eh, you got enough money or not this month? I forgot to ask you. Because I haven't banked in to your account yet." my mum said.

"I ar.. got la of course. My public bank account still have. You forgot, I borrowed ptptn already marh." That was the excuse that I often use to ease her burden and sometimes as an indirect way to reject her from sending money over. I think my two younger sisters and her need the money more there.

"Really enough or not? Then I don't bank in one lo." She was asking for re-confirmation.

"Yaya. You keep the money yourself la. When I'm really in severe poverty I'll call you mum. Eh then how was the legal claim on divorce and custody? Did the advocate or solicitor call you after that day we visited him?" (alright. I'm having sin for this provocation)

"Not yet lo. He said need to wait about two to three months still."

"Har? Why need such a long time one? Condition of being separated at least two years have been fulfilled what?" (okay. I have another sin for my eagerness in this.)

"Yalah I know. Lawyer said still need to wait for the application with government, need to get approval etc from there so it may last for 2-3months lo."

"I see... Erm.. Owh... " Searching for words to be uttered.

"Okay la. You go study la. Nothing already." My mum urged.

"Alright. Then anything just call me la. See you mamacita." The call ended. With a harsh and compelling feeling hanging in the air of awkwardness.

I was standing at the balcony gazing from the 15th floor at the malfunctioned lamp-post without the flash of light. Is that my life? What did I do to myself and others in my previous lives that I need to bear such karmic debts in this life?

Perhaps it's an obstacle which drives your maturity and patience onboard.
All of a sudden I thought of some speeches given by Ms. Anne last semester. "Everyone has problem. But no problem is big problem." Maybe your parents or elderly are not as good as you expected so you need to have a notion that you have to be better than them now.

"Parents matters are their matters. No matter how good or bad your parents are, you need to work harder so that you can give yourself a green card to access to a betterment of life."

For a few times, I almost cried out waking in the middle of night.
For a few times, I almost thought of ending my life without a second thought if there is chance.

But this is foolish! stupid! silly! moronic! unworthy! barbaric! uncivilised! Suicidal ain't help! It just worsens the situation. We, as human beings, need to be responsible for our own lives.
World is still turning. Sun is still burning. Hope is still there, latent.

I have great source of support from all around. They are the motivators of life.
I have my mum, sisters, A gor, JQK, bunch of relatives and pool of close friends.
Everyone has his or her own fated purpose of living to be fulfilled in this world.
Everyone has his or her duties to be carried out for being by our side.
Appreciation and acknowledgement are the only answers to our doubts.

Life is about procurement 

of success and happiness for which 

you can choose to give sadness and grief in return. 

Cheers. Take it easy. 

Life has no take two after all. 

Narcissism

Allow me to be a narcissist. XD

Smart 1

Foolish 2 

 Shy 3

 Ambitious 4

Eagle-eyed 5

Twenties

  我们今年二十一二岁，

烦恼的时候不再发牢骚.我们静静的 静静的看着听着 这很现实又很虚伪的世界.... 我们今年二十一二岁，明明很想哭，却还在笑。 明明很在乎，却装作无所谓。 明明很想留下，却坚定的说要离开。 明明很痛苦，却偏偏说自己很幸福。 明明忘不掉，却说已经忘了。 明明放不下，却说他是他，我是我。 明明舍不得，却说我已经受够了。明明说的是违心的假话，却说那是自己的真心话。 明明眼泪都快溢出眼眶，却高昂着头。 明明已经无法挽回，却依旧执着。 明明知道自己很受伤，却说你不必觉得欠我的。 明明这样伪装着很累，却还得依旧.

为的只是隐藏起自己的脆弱，即使很难过，也会装的无所谓，只是不愿别人看见自己的伤口，不想让自己周围的人担心，不想让别人同情自己，只想在心底独自承受，虽然心疼的难以呼吸，却笑着告诉所有人“我没事的！”然后静下来时，自己便笑话自己，何必把自己伪装的那么坚强! 

  

  We are twenties this year. 

When we are in doubt, we no longer complain. 

We would just watch and listen to this realistic yet pathetic world, silently and sarcastically. 

Now that we are twenties. 

We hold back our tears and disguise them as smiles that we are wearing when all we want to do is cry. 

We mind and we care but we act as if we are okay without them. 

We thought of staying back but we acted to insist on leaving. 

We are actually in great pain but we would rather tell the others that we are in felicity. 

We are actually unable to separate apart but we would just said it has been forgotten. 

We are actually reluctant to let someone or somebody go but we kept telling that "I'm sick of them!". 

We actually spoke those words which go against our true feelings but we always claim that it is the utmost truth on the inside of us. 

When the tears are about to drop we would just lift our head held high again without letting the tears flowing flawlessly. 

We are still insisting on those impossibilities. 

We tell others not to be guilty despite the fact that we actually get hurt. 

Disguising is tiring, but it is an art of getting used to things. 

Why we are doing so? 

It is merely to hide the fragility in ourselves. 

Though we are sad and feeling despair, we would just pretend as if we are okay 

for the sake of consoling those around us and trying hard not to let them discover our wounds. 

We would not need others to sympathise us. 

We would just withhold the hurt feeling in ourselves and try our best to get over it. 

No matter how brokenhearted we are, 

regardless of the feeling of heart-peeling or suffocation we get, 

we would just show the people a smile and tell them all "I'm fine!". 

Back then, we would sit down and stay calm alone and start laughing out loud at our silliness, 

"What for we are so well-disguising and pretending to be so strong, so immaculate, so unbeatable and rigid and immortal?" 

  And we are twenties this year. 

Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten. 

Gratitude

  One dream at a time, 

small hopes compounding to become great expectations, that's the road to your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. 

我的生命裡出現過許多貴人，

會在適當時刻給我一些感動，給我一些提醒，

在困頓時拉我一把；

因此，我也希望自己是別人心目中的貴人，

可以溫暖別人的心。

Friends

  有一種朋友，跟他在一起的時候，心裡完全沒有負擔，不需要刻意地討好他；無論行、走、坐、臥，都覺得很自在。不在一起的時候，你知道他絕對沒忘了你，他也沒有停止關心你；他並不見得天天與你見面或通電話，但你知道你們的友誼不會有什麼變化，為什麼呢? 因為只要你有了為難的事，他似乎永遠在那兒，在一個令你放心的位置、不變的位置，等你奔向他甚至不需要你開口，他已經從你一舉一動之中，嗅到了某些端倪，主動把聲援的、溫暖的手伸過來；而且，他會做得不露痕跡，不讓你感到背了很重的人情債他用一顆真心與你交往，你自然不能怠慢，也要掏出真心來相待。好在能結為朋友的，通常也性情相近，不難互相掬誠以待。久而久之，你便擁有一項珍貴的財產，千金不換的寶物。不管是分離的雲淡風輕也好，相聚時的風雲際會也罷；擁有這樣的朋友，你便經常擁有耐以咀嚼的感覺。
  A friend in need is a friend indeed. You'll surely know that the everlasting bonds between you and your friends are proofs of eternal promise you made  although you're not getting along with him/her all the time. Having friends of those kind would be the most valuable property you get in your life ever. Be appreciative and sincere. Love your friends and get loved by them in return. 

Divorce

"Because we're still getting over the divorce." 

"Knowing how to be divorced is next to impossible. And sometimes, over the years, I have thought that your dad and I weren't quite finished. and as it turns out, we weren't. So I went out of my comfort zone, which I found out if you're really honest with yourself isn't all that comforting. And I experienced with a part of myself because I want to know if after all these years there was still something there between us." 


"So what did you see?" 


"And I realise that even though your dad and I once had something extraordinary, now we no longer really fit together." 


~Source from the movie, It's complicated. 


Yeah, undeniably, Life is way too complicated with assorted relationships. 
Im a sinner. For provocating a divorce between my parents. I did what's reasonable & sensible and Im not afraid of dying a thousand death. Not that Im immortal or celestial but Im just way too normal out of the abnormalities. Should I be sentensed to death instead? Whatever. Im just accustomed to it. It's always 'Guilty until Proven Innocent' rather than 'Innocent until Proven Guilty' in here.

Tribute

  I got my last semester's result back today. And out of my expectation, I got a B for that particular subject that I scared the most. Thank Gods and Goddesses for saving my life. Attached a copy of my result print-screened from college intranet page. Let's buck up this semester and aim for a better one. And certainly I need to brush up my English speaking and writing skill because they are deteriorating. Yes I could tell it is declining. Anyway, congratulation to those having Excellent result. Those with unsatisfactory ones, try your best in next sitting. May everyone of ABM be blessed! A cordial thank goes to everyone whom I was helped and consoled at my difficult time last semester. I love you. =D *just accept it lah don't be shy. lol*

as per tribute to my mama and sisters 

It's another climb

  I'm officially back in KL for the commencement of second semester. The second day of that week was actually my birthday. In fact, Birthday, means A Free Holiday-like Day to me. Sometimes I'd stay at home for the whole day instead of going out and packing in the overcrowded place. Anyway, I'd like to thank my thoughtful family members for celebrating my birthday in advance before I came to KL. Abundance of thanks giving out to my coursemates, classmates and any other old and new friends who had celebrated and wished me a cheerful birthday. I'm grateful and appreciative of all your wishes and I love you! No more teens for me and seriously I can't really accept it! LOL.

  Hereby I'd thank my A gor (name concealed for confidentiality) for talking to me. Did you know that sometimes your concern can actually, I mean, really, cheer me up? Not that I'm over-obsessed with you But I'm just so pleased that I could regard you as my bro. =D It's a feeling like I never had before. Or might be, I'm just a slut-man who's begging love and concern from people around. lol at my stupidity. Anyway gor, I don't really need a gift from you. I'm not a wasteful person so I don't hope people becoming wasteful just to buy me a present. So I was just teasing you when I asked for a gift from you. Thanks profusely for your wish too. What could I say at last is All the best to you & Be happy always. XD

  

 Fat as usual =.=

p/s A sincere apology to my current classmates for not attending the event you organised on that day. I'm so sorry about it :S Thanks abundantly for all wishes!

Semester Break

While I was preparing for my final examination, I was stunned by the news that my mother was caught by immigration department of Japan and was kept in retention. That was the night before I was going to sit for my first subject. Anxiety rose in myself. That wasn’t the first time already. The same thing happened two years ago. The same feeling of exaggerating nervousness was haunting me throughout the whole examination process of mine. Fortunately I received a call from my mother telling me she’s fine. I could then breathe with a great relief.

Then, I immediately off to Subang the next day after having my last subject as my mother was staying with my aunt temporarily. And not to forget I went to Mid Valley the night when I finished my last subject with Penang college mates. It was the first time I went for relaxation and only when it was the end of my first semester. Frankly I was quite embarrassed for myself. Anyway, I was grateful that I could finally spend some time for leisure and pleasure after such a long suffocation. And undoubtedly I am always a procrastinator. LOL.

I spent great moment full of fun and passion in Subang. On top of that, I had my first experience (in my life ever) of taking a flight even though it was only from KL to Penang. Thanks to my xiao yi and say teo for treating us well in there.

The next week when I arrived in Penang, a sequence of exciting events were awaiting for me to join. Toy museum, Peranakan Mansion, Karaoke, Gathering and some random meet-ups were all so tempting. I am so glad that I could spend a little moment together with all those I love and be loved. Now that the holiday is approaching its end and I am so reluctant to leave. As life goes on, we need to move on too. Last but not least, I love Penang! XD