Conversation

My mobile phone rang while I was having revision and preparing some materials for the next day's classes.
It was my mum calling from hometown and I picked up the call promptly.

"Eh, you got enough money or not this month? I forgot to ask you. Because I haven't banked in to your account yet." my mum said.

"I ar.. got la of course. My public bank account still have. You forgot, I borrowed ptptn already marh." That was the excuse that I often use to ease her burden and sometimes as an indirect way to reject her from sending money over. I think my two younger sisters and her need the money more there.

"Really enough or not? Then I don't bank in one lo." She was asking for re-confirmation.

"Yaya. You keep the money yourself la. When I'm really in severe poverty I'll call you mum. Eh then how was the legal claim on divorce and custody? Did the advocate or solicitor call you after that day we visited him?" (alright. I'm having sin for this provocation)

"Not yet lo. He said need to wait about two to three months still."

"Har? Why need such a long time one? Condition of being separated at least two years have been fulfilled what?" (okay. I have another sin for my eagerness in this.)

"Yalah I know. Lawyer said still need to wait for the application with government, need to get approval etc from there so it may last for 2-3months lo."

"I see... Erm.. Owh... " Searching for words to be uttered.

"Okay la. You go study la. Nothing already." My mum urged.

"Alright. Then anything just call me la. See you mamacita." The call ended. With a harsh and compelling feeling hanging in the air of awkwardness.

I was standing at the balcony gazing from the 15th floor at the malfunctioned lamp-post without the flash of light. Is that my life? What did I do to myself and others in my previous lives that I need to bear such karmic debts in this life?

Perhaps it's an obstacle which drives your maturity and patience onboard.
All of a sudden I thought of some speeches given by Ms. Anne last semester. "Everyone has problem. But no problem is big problem." Maybe your parents or elderly are not as good as you expected so you need to have a notion that you have to be better than them now.

"Parents matters are their matters. No matter how good or bad your parents are, you need to work harder so that you can give yourself a green card to access to a betterment of life."

For a few times, I almost cried out waking in the middle of night.
For a few times, I almost thought of ending my life without a second thought if there is chance.

But this is foolish! stupid! silly! moronic! unworthy! barbaric! uncivilised! Suicidal ain't help! It just worsens the situation. We, as human beings, need to be responsible for our own lives.
World is still turning. Sun is still burning. Hope is still there, latent.

I have great source of support from all around. They are the motivators of life.
I have my mum, sisters, A gor, JQK, bunch of relatives and pool of close friends.
Everyone has his or her own fated purpose of living to be fulfilled in this world.
Everyone has his or her duties to be carried out for being by our side.
Appreciation and acknowledgement are the only answers to our doubts.

Life is about procurement 

of success and happiness for which 

you can choose to give sadness and grief in return. 

Cheers. Take it easy. 

Life has no take two after all.