CNY

Chinese New Year

Literally, it's a special festival and holiday for those being at different places to go home and reunite with their family members and all loved ones. There are a lot of Do's and Don't's during the festival. It is celebrated from the eve up to the fifteenth day of the duration. Each festival day carries different and unique meaning. *blabla*

Well.. Old granny stories. I could memorise these from the front to the back and from the last sentence back to the front. Personally the way I treat CNY is more of sustance over form. I make it a task to comprehend the inherent and coherent meanings of every single session and ritual. It is filled with mysterious festive colour blending with the attractiveness of the ethnic especially living in a multi-cultural country harmoniously.

Talking and Doing are two differentiated things. I go home as the time stipulated. I helped out in any way I can for my family. I painted the old colour-fading door. I captured every single precious moment with them. I pretended like I am a very good child. I took the initiative and greeted every relative with nice words just to avoid any further talk-behind regarding my manner. The way my parents raised me was different. They tell you what and when and who, but you gotta sort it out how by yourself.

It's already the sixth of Lunar. It nearly marks the end of my holiday and retreat because I gotta embark on my part time career life soon. But wait, I am not quite ready to be back to the hustling and bustling city life! Rescue me... Help...

*echo*

Disturbance

I know human are not perfect
I am learning my personality & trying to improve for better

Sometimes I might behave different from normal time
for reason(s)
Pressure - arises anywhere

I don't mind if you prolong the silent situation
but at least, let me know what's wrong with myself

You can't judge a person merely by reason of not in favour of his/her face
That's more than what you imagine
That's not necessarily what you can see with your bare eyes
That's more than you can achieve

Recall how we've gone through the ups and downs
the upheaval, the laughter, the sorrow, the jubilance

I need confrontation 

I think about it
because I care

Silence is Golden?

I do believe in teamwork
But what if any of them is not participative?
I don't know the next move
I care about about the marks and relationship

But someone tell me what can I do to make the person speak

Silence isn't always an useful way to communicate
How could we know what's on your mind if you don't talk your mind?
I don't mind an answer with mistakes or a sentence with broken language

We, as a team, need IDEAS
More and More IDEAS

Remember, Creativity brings Innovations
And that's what we're lacking.

August & September

OHMYGOSH!!!

I've not been posting any article since August!
So sorry about that, I've been busy with my final exam.
It was a chain of relaxing holiday plus semester break after the exam.
In August, my classmates and I celebrated birthday for two friends, which were on two consecutive days.
In August, I went working in the company which I had my internship previously during the break.
With that rate of pay, I was quite upset. But I comforted myself that I need those experience.
I managed to enhance and develop myself despite the short break could actually slip in the blink of an eye.
I took the advice of our MCSP lecturer.
Living in this world means constantly striving, no matter you like it or not.
I'd post some photos of the joyful moment during birthday celebration.

 JH, HY

and this is when I sit on my former colleague's seat:-

who is currently in SG 

*catch me up for more frequent updates, I promise*

Investment

一棟新房子、一份股份投資組合和珍貴的寶石看起來就像是一場報酬率高的投資

但是，物質性的它們會否在你遇到困難時在你身邊安慰你？

在你快樂時分享你的喜悅？

或是靜靜地守著你身邊直到生命最後一秒？

在做出物質性投資的同時

也不要忘了投資你的時間和精力來關愛你身邊的每個人

你會發現這份投資出去的關愛和用心

也會在某天某時得到了適時適量的報酬

珍惜你身邊的家人朋友

因為緣分是無價之寶

A new house, a valuable stock portfolio and precious gems may seem like good investments. But will they be there to comfort you in difficult times? Share your joy in good times? Or sit by you as you breathe your last breath? Invest some time and energy in loving others and watch your investment grow.

I had been feeling unsettled since I joined my studies in Advanced Diploma. Through time and time I felt like being dragged to the last day of the world. My days were miserable. I moaned. I complained. I was down. I felt misled and directionless. I knew, that I was facing a situation called Culture Shock. Yes, the life in Diploma was totally different from the current on. It was so fairly good, well-pampered and even spoon-fed. Now, the life has changed. Everything's changed. I'm already grown in mental capacity and physical strength. And really, I meant it, I need to thank one of the lecturers I encountered. She was being helpful by torturing us. She's the devil's advocate, indeed. She trained us. She guided us on those knowledge on textbooks and even those unwritten rules of leading a career life in future. Although I don't really like the way somehow, I re-called back what she had done on us and I know, IT WAS WORTH IT! She whipped us so hard so that we grow. She let us fall so that we comprehend the true fact of how cruel is the world and how to standing on the edge and on ground again. I appreciate her efforts and diligence in doing so. Thank you, Ms. Chin. We will prove to you that you made the right investment! 

Grumble

Since when
I started to grumble over deep in myself
About people
About love
About life
About all the abouts

I don't moan
I don't complain
I don't grieve
I grumble
Because I care

I wish we could have common objectives.
I wish we could realise the dreams together.
I dreamed a dream, of being able to embark on the new lifestyle.
A better life. A green card to access a better life.

After all it was only just a dream.
Planning and executing are different stories.
Didn't you have learn in Management?
Complain no more.
Go work it out!

Action! The Show Is On!

Acquaintances

Wish to run away

from the hustle and bustle.

~ROAR~

Frustration

The frustration was vivid.

The atmosphere was solid.

The proposal was invalid.

Dislike the environment of bureaucracy.

Black & White.

Permission through levels.

Everything's all coming back to ownself all of a sudden.

Quite dislike the 3rd Sunday in June.

So I removed someone from my list.

As a consequences of ignoring me even after I'd been trying to work it out right.

I don't need your ignorance.

Thank you!

Kick Start!

The end of internship leads to the new academic year of studies.
I'm officially a Super Senior at college.
LOL

I'm truly grateful for the help & guidance over these three months.
Notes of appreciation given away.
Thanks and I enjoy working with all my group members and friends from other groups as well.
and I got pool of useful knowledge in return.
Veron's Group, You're The Best!

Thank you so much ^^ 

*okay people, let's work for our second last semester. Go Go Go!

Tired

Feeling 

Unappreciated?

Tired?

Exhausted?

Isolated?

Here's a song goes out to all the people I treasure.

and those who are having the same feeling like I do. Cheers!

We'll All Be Fine =)

and live our lives out loud one day!

Inability

I lose the ability to speak fluent & write gorgeous Chinese articles.
and it doesn't seem that my English level is improving tremendously.
What's wrong with me?
Darn it!
I hate this kind of feeling. 
*sob*


Bottleneck-ed?

Soon

Had my first subject today.
And I was writing like hell.
Non-stop.
Restlessly.
Felt like my wrist was going to be torn from my arm.
My fingers were still feeling numb an hour after I walked out from the hall.

Luckily the worst & most-killing subject is over.
1 Down, 3 to go!
and I'm start counting down for CNY.

WHAT-TO-DO-DURING-HOLIDAY LIST is coming soon!

I WANNA BREAK FREE!!

憂鬱

再這樣下去

感覺就快要患上憂鬱症

心

真的會痛

痛得快要死掉了

不要逼我 

Something has been haunting me but I don't know what the thing really is. 

Trying to figure out but mission failed. 

Issue. 

陪

我並不是特別需要人陪，

再怎麽累也都裝無所謂。

我只需要你的關懷安慰，

就當作撫平内心的慰藉。

Busy

Intra-campus Business Management Competition briefing

YTLC orientation 

Rejected and needed-to-redo individual assignment's journal review 

Never-ending homework on tutorials 

Shopping for formal suits at Times Square this Sunday 

"I'm kinda busy. I'm kinda busy." 

"Stop calling stop calling I don't wanna hear anymore" 

p/s Sunday is my day! I'm gonna fully utilise it before I get another wave of stress next few weeks! :)

Hurt

Thinking of travelling around. With someone I fond of or who's willing to accompany me.
Totally not in the kind of mood that I myself can tolerate with.
These days I was hurt badly.
Mostly from family. coursework. homework. peers.
No I can't cry anymore no matter how. No more. My tears are dried out.
Now even Westlife's songs have lost the magic.
I can still feel the pain inside. No matter how frequent I repeated listening to Westlife.
Lying so silently.
But I feel it hurts so violently.

For somehow but I don't know how,
I thought I have the discretion to control my account of money.
But all came to a discoverable mess and it's like an illusionary slap to my face.
Not telling you doesn't mean making secret profit.
Come on! It's credited by aunt to my account and for all this while I didn't tell you too.
So I don't see any necessity to tell you about the money thing this time.
And that's the reason I answer you "Yes I still have money" "No need bank in for me yet"
when you ask me about my balance
You Thought I'm a Banker ar?
or I Go Rob the Bank and that's why I have So Much Inexhaustible Money to use?
My passion was welcomed by a wave of scolding.
Should I feel comfortable instead and tell all the people around "Yeah I got scolded!"?

I know you are earning hard bearing we three small kids.
But I'm grown, physically-fully and psychologically none.
I'd feel the emptiness too. Not only you. I bet sista will feel the same way as well.
Sometimes I really don't know what to do when I am so helpless.
I can't call you all. I don't wanna make any trouble.
You have had enough. So do I.
I'm tired of being the eldest. Being the black sheep.
No one sincerely/truthfully cares for me.
I'm leading solitary life. and I'm liking it as the ironic way.
God, can I ask for an exchange in my next life, if there is any, please?
That's my prayer to be heard.
Thanks.

Amen.

 洶湧的澎湃，海在怒吼

 幸福，下一站

 走吧，走吧，人總要自己慢慢長大

 傲視滄海，一聲笑，人在江湖

 悸動心痛

我是一只小小鳥，尋覓一個溫暖的懷抱

And I believe, 

Hug is one of the most important things that I can say without speaking. do without acting. 

And I need one right now. but who cares? 

Leave it blank there. I'm searching for the answer. 

p/s 

I've temporarily closed the account on FB and no one can actually see my posts except some photos. 

Text me a line or give me a call if you have any things needed to reach me. 

People with their minds that I'm being emo. "Whatever" is the only word I can tell you and it shows that you don't understand me thoroughly. 

The left part of my chest is left empty. Because my heart is being hospitalised now. 

I'll bring it to travel around but I'm unsure when will it be back. So stay tuned. 

Time will heal and I'll be fine. 

心呼吸

這一路 走著走著

走遠了

非得要在回頭時才發現

我遺落一地的遺憾

心

開始對附屬的肉體產生抗拒

累了

倦了

但是臉上的笑顔始終不能停

心空再沒有翅膀的痕跡

鳥兒已高飛走遠

那種心涼一陣子沁入心脾

又迴旋似的沖上腦門謀殺我的感官

一種會呼吸的痛

會上癮的痛

在還沒有沉溺于它之前

我要先提身抽離

是時候沉澱内心的污漬

拉近心與我的距離

答應自己

我要好好的活著

然後回來

“好久不見了，我可憐的心。”

Conversation

My mobile phone rang while I was having revision and preparing some materials for the next day's classes.
It was my mum calling from hometown and I picked up the call promptly.

"Eh, you got enough money or not this month? I forgot to ask you. Because I haven't banked in to your account yet." my mum said.

"I ar.. got la of course. My public bank account still have. You forgot, I borrowed ptptn already marh." That was the excuse that I often use to ease her burden and sometimes as an indirect way to reject her from sending money over. I think my two younger sisters and her need the money more there.

"Really enough or not? Then I don't bank in one lo." She was asking for re-confirmation.

"Yaya. You keep the money yourself la. When I'm really in severe poverty I'll call you mum. Eh then how was the legal claim on divorce and custody? Did the advocate or solicitor call you after that day we visited him?" (alright. I'm having sin for this provocation)

"Not yet lo. He said need to wait about two to three months still."

"Har? Why need such a long time one? Condition of being separated at least two years have been fulfilled what?" (okay. I have another sin for my eagerness in this.)

"Yalah I know. Lawyer said still need to wait for the application with government, need to get approval etc from there so it may last for 2-3months lo."

"I see... Erm.. Owh... " Searching for words to be uttered.

"Okay la. You go study la. Nothing already." My mum urged.

"Alright. Then anything just call me la. See you mamacita." The call ended. With a harsh and compelling feeling hanging in the air of awkwardness.

I was standing at the balcony gazing from the 15th floor at the malfunctioned lamp-post without the flash of light. Is that my life? What did I do to myself and others in my previous lives that I need to bear such karmic debts in this life?

Perhaps it's an obstacle which drives your maturity and patience onboard.
All of a sudden I thought of some speeches given by Ms. Anne last semester. "Everyone has problem. But no problem is big problem." Maybe your parents or elderly are not as good as you expected so you need to have a notion that you have to be better than them now.

"Parents matters are their matters. No matter how good or bad your parents are, you need to work harder so that you can give yourself a green card to access to a betterment of life."

For a few times, I almost cried out waking in the middle of night.
For a few times, I almost thought of ending my life without a second thought if there is chance.

But this is foolish! stupid! silly! moronic! unworthy! barbaric! uncivilised! Suicidal ain't help! It just worsens the situation. We, as human beings, need to be responsible for our own lives.
World is still turning. Sun is still burning. Hope is still there, latent.

I have great source of support from all around. They are the motivators of life.
I have my mum, sisters, A gor, JQK, bunch of relatives and pool of close friends.
Everyone has his or her own fated purpose of living to be fulfilled in this world.
Everyone has his or her duties to be carried out for being by our side.
Appreciation and acknowledgement are the only answers to our doubts.

Life is about procurement 

of success and happiness for which 

you can choose to give sadness and grief in return. 

Cheers. Take it easy. 

Life has no take two after all. 

Narcissism

Allow me to be a narcissist. XD

Smart 1

Foolish 2 

 Shy 3

 Ambitious 4

Eagle-eyed 5

Twenties

  我们今年二十一二岁，

烦恼的时候不再发牢骚.我们静静的 静静的看着听着 这很现实又很虚伪的世界.... 我们今年二十一二岁，明明很想哭，却还在笑。 明明很在乎，却装作无所谓。 明明很想留下，却坚定的说要离开。 明明很痛苦，却偏偏说自己很幸福。 明明忘不掉，却说已经忘了。 明明放不下，却说他是他，我是我。 明明舍不得，却说我已经受够了。明明说的是违心的假话，却说那是自己的真心话。 明明眼泪都快溢出眼眶，却高昂着头。 明明已经无法挽回，却依旧执着。 明明知道自己很受伤，却说你不必觉得欠我的。 明明这样伪装着很累，却还得依旧.

为的只是隐藏起自己的脆弱，即使很难过，也会装的无所谓，只是不愿别人看见自己的伤口，不想让自己周围的人担心，不想让别人同情自己，只想在心底独自承受，虽然心疼的难以呼吸，却笑着告诉所有人“我没事的！”然后静下来时，自己便笑话自己，何必把自己伪装的那么坚强! 

  

  We are twenties this year. 

When we are in doubt, we no longer complain. 

We would just watch and listen to this realistic yet pathetic world, silently and sarcastically. 

Now that we are twenties. 

We hold back our tears and disguise them as smiles that we are wearing when all we want to do is cry. 

We mind and we care but we act as if we are okay without them. 

We thought of staying back but we acted to insist on leaving. 

We are actually in great pain but we would rather tell the others that we are in felicity. 

We are actually unable to separate apart but we would just said it has been forgotten. 

We are actually reluctant to let someone or somebody go but we kept telling that "I'm sick of them!". 

We actually spoke those words which go against our true feelings but we always claim that it is the utmost truth on the inside of us. 

When the tears are about to drop we would just lift our head held high again without letting the tears flowing flawlessly. 

We are still insisting on those impossibilities. 

We tell others not to be guilty despite the fact that we actually get hurt. 

Disguising is tiring, but it is an art of getting used to things. 

Why we are doing so? 

It is merely to hide the fragility in ourselves. 

Though we are sad and feeling despair, we would just pretend as if we are okay 

for the sake of consoling those around us and trying hard not to let them discover our wounds. 

We would not need others to sympathise us. 

We would just withhold the hurt feeling in ourselves and try our best to get over it. 

No matter how brokenhearted we are, 

regardless of the feeling of heart-peeling or suffocation we get, 

we would just show the people a smile and tell them all "I'm fine!". 

Back then, we would sit down and stay calm alone and start laughing out loud at our silliness, 

"What for we are so well-disguising and pretending to be so strong, so immaculate, so unbeatable and rigid and immortal?" 

  And we are twenties this year. 

Today is where your book begins. The rest is still unwritten.