teik it easy: Hurt

Thinking of travelling around. With someone I fond of or who's willing to accompany me.
Totally not in the kind of mood that I myself can tolerate with.
These days I was hurt badly.
Mostly from family. coursework. homework. peers.
No I can't cry anymore no matter how. No more. My tears are dried out.
Now even Westlife's songs have lost the magic.
I can still feel the pain inside. No matter how frequent I repeated listening to Westlife.
Lying so silently.
But I feel it hurts so violently.

For somehow but I don't know how,
I thought I have the discretion to control my account of money.
But all came to a discoverable mess and it's like an illusionary slap to my face.
Not telling you doesn't mean making secret profit.
Come on! It's credited by aunt to my account and for all this while I didn't tell you too.
So I don't see any necessity to tell you about the money thing this time.
And that's the reason I answer you "Yes I still have money" "No need bank in for me yet"
when you ask me about my balance
You Thought I'm a Banker ar?
or I Go Rob the Bank and that's why I have So Much Inexhaustible Money to use?
My passion was welcomed by a wave of scolding.
Should I feel comfortable instead and tell all the people around "Yeah I got scolded!"?

I know you are earning hard bearing we three small kids.
But I'm grown, physically-fully and psychologically none.
I'd feel the emptiness too. Not only you. I bet sista will feel the same way as well.
Sometimes I really don't know what to do when I am so helpless.
I can't call you all. I don't wanna make any trouble.
You have had enough. So do I.
I'm tired of being the eldest. Being the black sheep.
No one sincerely/truthfully cares for me.
I'm leading solitary life. and I'm liking it as the ironic way.
God, can I ask for an exchange in my next life, if there is any, please?
That's my prayer to be heard.
Thanks.

Amen.